I’m Nick Middaugh, a writer, an advocate, and a man who finds peace in late-night writing sessions and the great outdoors. My story, like those shared through The Bristlecone Project, is one of survival, resilience, and hope. I’m here to say that healing is real, you’re not alone, and your voice can break through the shame.
As a child, I endured sexual abuse that left me feeling broken and isolated. The shame was crushing, amplified by society’s expectation that men should be unbreakable. I didn’t speak of it for years, convinced I was alone. My degenerative hearing loss, a disability I was born with, and the constant ring of tinnitus only deepened my sense of being cut off from the world. To cope, I turned to alcohol, and for a time, it numbed the pain—but it also trapped me in a cycle of self-destruction. I’m proud to say I’ll be four years sober soon, a milestone that proves you can rebuild even after hitting rock bottom.
My journey hasn’t been easy, but it’s been defined by service and purpose. For a decade, I served in civil roles—firefighting, corrections, public safety, and as a federal contractor for the U.S. Department of State, holding a security clearance. Those years taught me discipline and resilience, but they also showed me how silence about my past was holding me back. I started breaking that silence by writing. As an undergrad, I self-published "Suffering in Silence," a book that poured out my truth about male childhood sexual abuse. It was my first step toward turning pain into purpose.
Sharing my story grew beyond the page. I opened up on "Soft White Underbelly," reaching millions with raw honesty about my abuse and recovery. I also spoke on "Cleared Hot with Andy Stumpf," diving into my advocacy and the strength it takes to heal. Those platforms let me connect with survivors and advocates worldwide, showing me the power of vulnerability. Each conversation and each listener chipped away at the stigma that keeps men silent.
I’ve done some pretty impressive things in the academic space. I’m about to graduate with a bachelor’s in human services from Spring Arbor University, and I’m shopping around for universities who can offer me the most by way of their MSW programs. I’ve presented my review of male CSA-specific data at my university, and my book and the literature I present are being considered for inclusion in a few collegiate social work programs. The mission is simple. If I can reach other men like me and assist them onto the path of healing, then I am accomplishing the mission. Today, I’m not defined by the abuse or the struggles with alcoholism; I’m defined by my advocacy, my writing, and the life I’ve built. My hearing loss and tinnitus are part of me, but they don’t limit me—they remind me to listen to my own strength. To any man reading this: your pain is valid, and you don’t have to carry it alone. Healing isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about crafting a present where you can thrive. For me, that’s writing, advocating for survivors, and knowing I’m part of a movement changing lives. Don’t struggle alone.
