“…the intersection between being raised Mormon and being gay, but also being a survivor…”
"I'm forced into this room, and he's behind me. And he pushes me on the bed, and he rapes me."
"I'm forced to...be triggered by that situation over and over again, by all of the things that still trigger me to this day."
"At that moment...All the things I tried to forget came back to me—of being powerless and controlled as if I was some kind of animal."
"[Prevail] made my trauma something that didn't define me, but something I can weave into my life story."
"I drank until I fell asleep every single night for two weeks, and I thought that was the best way to cope with it."
"No matter where you are, no matter what you're doing, there's always gonna be someone who either has empathy or sympathy for you."
"Not only did he make it sound like my experience was invalidated, but he also said my experience was different because... I was a boy."
"I knew the only side effect that really came from [being raped] was my severe distrust for men."
"[Sometimes] trauma just has to be taken into account based on how the person tells their story."
"Everything was just happening at once...One day I was fine. The next day I was a victim of rape and suicidal."
"I never thought about the intersection between being raised Mormon and being gay, but also being a survivor."
"[I'm] trying to educate people about—not even just sexual assault—but just mental health as a concept."
"I was still trying to piece together everything I had forgotten and forced myself to forget."
Growing up gay in an often hostile world can be dangerous. It was for Isaac.
By the age of 13 Isaac was ready to come out, to begin exploring what it meant to be gay. But that kind of exploration often leaves a 13 year old boy very vulnerable. Isaac was soon “dating” a man who was a decade older than him. Only much later did he begin to see the coercion and abuse that was intrinsic to this “relationship.”
But that was not the only trauma he endured at 13. One night he snuck out of his home and went with some friends to a party on a nearby college campus. Late in the evening, and alone upstairs, he was ambushed by someone who physically restrained him and raped him.
Isaac swore himself to secrecy. But burying a rape is not possible. So Isaac found help in alcohol. “I thought that was the best way to cope with it, because I couldn’t tell anyone. I had made that decision.” For a while, Isaac coped. Gradually, depression seeped in, and Isaac began a long sequence of treatments. But the secret remained.
It was a violent fight with his step-father that finally released the secret. Man-handled into helplessness while being verbally abused, the rape came flooding back. Isaac became suicidal.
Isaac’s journey back from that precipice has been helped by many people, including a nurse who quietly disclosed her own sexual victimization, and gave him a crucial spark of hope. With the help of others and his own perseverance Isaac has emerged from trauma with a resilient core and a magnetic smile. Now a junior in college, he is pre-med and looking forward to a career in medicine.