Guys Thinking About Learning More

From different walks of life, with different boyhood experiences, beginning to wonder...

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Here we offer ‘snapshots’ of men who are just beginning to think about learning more.

These brief descriptions are based on real people we have known over the years. We offer them to convey the variety of men, with a diversity of past experiences and current situations, who may be thinking about learning more.

Chris

  • 20 year old construction worker
  • Several unwanted sexual contacts from coach, age 8
  • Has always felt like he has to prove his masculinity
  • Drinking problem, addicted to porn
  • Wondering if it’s time to explore connections between what happened with his coach and his current problems.

Tom

  • 35-year-old offset printer
  • Repeatedly sexually abused from the age of 15 to 19 by a trusted mentor
  • Difficulty holding a job, or trusting enough to sustain a relationship
  • Realizes he needs help to change his life.

Juan

  • 22 year old college student
  • Aunt had intercourse with him many times from ages 8 to 12
  • Terrified of dating and sex, but forces himself
  • Smokes pot every day to escape the feelings and ‘lives in his head’
  • Thinking he might be able to deal with what’s behind his fears

Mohammed

  • 30 year old insurance salesman
  • Step-father performed oral sex on him once at age 11
  • Fears he’s not a real man, confused about his sexuality
  • Wondering how to get beyond his self-doubts and confusion.

George

  • 56 year old independent contractor
  • Minister introduced him to porn and oral sex, age 13
  • Intensely hates gays, almost always angry, often really mean to his family
  • Ashamed to admit what happened, but hoping he might finally find some happiness

Jamal

  • 27 year old medical student
  • Three baby sitters made him be sexual with them, ages 6 to 9
  • Never really “lets down his guard” with women he dates
  • Considering dealing with what prevents real intimacy and commitment

Matt

  • 19 year old student and ski instructor
  • Older male cousin forced him to perform oral sex, age 9
  • Wonders if he’s gay because of what cousin did, or if cousin did it because he was gay
  • Thinking maybe someone could help him sort out his confusion and make peace with his sexual orientation

Adam

  • 45 year old mid-level executive
  • Uncle performed oral sex on him, ages 4 to 8
  • Drinks most nights, works constantly, disconnected from wife and children
  • Thinking maybe it’s time to finally start dealing with his past

Yoshi

  • 32 year old graphic designer
  • Mother gave him long baths and washed his genitals until age 12
  • Often feels exploited by girlfriends, then suddenly turns on them in a rage
  • Considering seeking help to sort out the past and improve relationships now

Franky

  • 38-year-old police officer
  • Raped at the age of 16 by a Scout leader
  • Heavy drinker, issues with anger and depression.
  • Scared about his life spiraling out of control. Feels it’s time to face his past.

Adil

  • 24 year old paralegal
  • Father made him watch pornography, watched him shower, ages 8 to 11
  • Smokes marijuana every day, addicted to anonymous sex
  • Sick of feeling disconnected and ashamed, thinks therapy might help

Simon

  • 61 year old attorney
  • Rabbi fondled his genitals several times, age 7
  • Addicted to pornography, occassionally sees prostitutes, ‘cold war’ with wife
  • Ashamed and weary of his life, but not totally hopeless, ready to read about how to heal

Jim

  • 21 year old grocery store clerk
  • Male neighbor raped him, age 13
  • Heavy drug use from 13 to 17, now drinks 6–12 beers and smokes pot most nights
  • Fighting off thoughts of giving up on getting his life under control

Mario

  • 45-year-old attorney
  • Sexually abused by stepsister at 8 and by a female teacher from the age of 14 to 18.
  • Workaholic, never has had a serious adult relationship; gambling addiction
  • Longs for intimacy, feels he’s wasting his life. Wants to understand why his life is empty.

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