What If Someone Else Sent Me Here?

What you do next is up to you. Feeling pressured and reactive won't help.
And the other person may need to learn more too.

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You’re definitely not the only guy finding himself here because his partner, spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend or family member suggested it.

Depending on a variety of things (concerning your relationship with the other person and your own mixed feelings), you may feel thankful for their suggestion, or you may feel pushed to do something that doesn’t feel right to you – or maybe a little of both.

Whatever your comfort level – with their suggestion and with being here – we have some words of caution and suggestions…

If you’re in an intimate relationship with the person who sent you here, especially if there’s a crisis now (e.g., just caught having an affair or using hardcore porn), both of you may be experiencing strong feelings including fear, shame, and desperation.

If so, reaching out for information and help is great. But also, as long as no one’s physically in danger right now (e.g., violent or suicidal, see I’m Having a Crisis), it’s also very helpful to step back a bit and give yourself – and the relationship – a little breathing room.

Try not to let knee-jerk reactions or scary feelings determine what you think or do. Try not to react too strongly to whatever is coming from the other person – including desperation, pushiness, or even threats.

Instead of getting pressured and becoming reactive, you can:

  1. Suggest that the person who sent you here check out Finding Help under Family, Friends & Partners, which includes the following information and advice for them:
    • Consider Focusing on Yourself First
    • Why Pushing Him Won’t Work
    • A More Effective Approach to Talking With Him
  2. Explore 1in6.org, at a pace that works for you, based on whatever questions and concerns you have.

Whatever your situation, we hope being here is an opportunity to find what you need now, and to move closer to the life you want and deserve.

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